75 result(s) for Ambrose Bierce Quotes.
"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen."
"Egotist: A person more interested in himself than in me."
"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."
"Cynic: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be."
"Destiny - A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure."
"Corporation: an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."
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"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
"Day, n.: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent."
"Complex, n.: The inevitable result of self-restraint."
"Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third."
"Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery."
"Arrest, v.: To restate an adjournment."
"Caution is the confidential agent of selfishness."
"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."
"Conservative, n: A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with new ones."
"Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver."
"Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure."
"Electoral, adj.: Pertaining to the process of choosing the man who will get the blame."
"Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be."
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"An egotist is a person of low taste—more interested in himself than in me."
"Conservative. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a liberal, who wishes to replace them with others."
"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."
"Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught."
"Medicine, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway."
"Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."
"Incomprehensible, adj.: Not understood, and nothing to understand from."
"Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."
"Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured."
"Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on."
"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
"Obstinate, adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy."
"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."
"Suffrage, n. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right to vote is a consequence, not a primary cause of a free press."
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"Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man—who has no gills."
"Wit, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."
"Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."
"Doubt, n. A status between knowledge and ignorance."
"Boundaries, n. The most effective way of saying ‘Stay out’ in a variety of indigenous languages."
"Razor, n. An instrument used by the Caucasian to enhance his beauty—known as hygienic."
"Research, n. A lonely quest."
"Labor, n. One of the processes by which A girl becomes a woman. And a war becomes a confusion."
"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."
"Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."
"Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious."
"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."
"A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be."
"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
"Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."
"Conservative, n: A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others."
"Photograph, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."
"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you."
"Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."
"Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
"Fidelty, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed."
"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
"Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country."
"Consolation, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself."
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
"Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age."
"Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding."
"Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice."
"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."
"Disobedience, the rarest and most courageous of the virtues, is seldom distinguished from neglect, the laziest and commonest of the vices."
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
"An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
"Eulogy, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."
"Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
"A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it."
"In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first."
"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
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