26 result(s) for Joke Quotes.
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me ads for vacation packages."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I have the body of a God... Buddha."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"My therapist told me time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him. Now we wait."
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"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I’d say ‘that’s a dollar’!"
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back."
"I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I have a fear of elevators, but I’m taking steps to avoid it."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
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"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."
"I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
