124 result(s) for Dumb Quotes.
"I can't believe I spent all that time with a dumb guy like you."
"It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."
"The wheels are spinning, but the hamster is dead."
"I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I'm right."
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"You can't fix stupid."
"I’m on the patch right now. I’m patching my life."
"Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done."
"I can’t believe I’m in love with someone named 'Dummy'."
"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"I have to go to work early; my other job is making bad decisions."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken."
"Instead of giving your energy to people who don't respect your energy, go find a potato."
"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."
"Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do."
"The only thing consistent about me is inconsistency."
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"Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted."
"I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake."
"If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?"
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough."
"Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?"
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
"I called my boss to tell him I was running late. He asked me if I was running late or if I was late running."
"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach vacation ads."
"I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"Why is abbreviation such a long word?"
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"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally."
"I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."
"I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind."
"I would like to be a unicorn in a world of horses."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears."
"Never trust an atom. They make up everything!"
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did."
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"I can’t believe I just fell for that. I am so dumb."
"I’m not dumb. I just have a lot of bad luck when it comes to thinking."
"The only dumb question is the one that is never asked."
"I may be a bad person, but I’m not dumb."
"Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue. But I’m always just kind of dumb."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right and you're dumb."
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. Call it dumb or call it human."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe it’s just dumb."
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
"Being stupid is not a bad thing. The worst thing is knowing how dumb you are."
"Sometimes, the best answer is to just say, 'Do I look like I know what I'm doing?'"
"I think I’m too dumb to be a prophet."
"Dumb people can’t be trusted to find their way home."
"Only the dumbest people find it hard to make their way. Everybody else just finds it hard to make their way back."
"Whenever I hear someone say, 'That’s just dumb!' I always think, ‘Cool it. Don’t be too smart for your own good.’"
"It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer. Sometimes it feels so dumb."
"I’m on the patch of road less traveled because it's less crowded—and maybe a little dumb."
"If stupidity were an Olympic sport, I’d take home the gold medal."
"They say ignorance is bliss. I guess being dumb has its perks."
"I’ve learned that I’m a little bit dumb when I'm being serious."
"I’m not stupid. I’m just overthinking things to the point of being dumb."
"Why do I keep doing dumb things? Because it’s what I’m good at!"
"When I find myself making a particularly dumb decision, I remind myself that this too shall pass."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch. Call me dumb, but I love it!"
"You can’t fix stupid, but you can certainly dumb it down a notch."
"I can’t believe I ate the whole thing."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"If we aren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are weak?"
"I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
"A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I’m so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh or sing a song."
"I finally found out what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a kid."
"The only reason I have a job is so I can afford my dog."
"I think my neighbor is stalking me; she’s been Googling my name on her computer."
"I didn’t mean to offend you, but you know, I’m not always this clever."
"I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"The only thing standing between me and my goal is the failure to act."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"I’m on the patch right now. I’m not getting any smarter."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"I thought I was being a good driver, but the police said I was just being a good subject."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised."
"I didn’t fall. I’m just spending some quality time with the floor."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I always carry a fork in my backpack. In case of cake."
"If you’re facing the wrong way, you won’t find success even if you run like hell."
"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
"I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it."
"I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’"
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I've got to be honest with you, it's a stupid idea."
"I'm not saying I’m the best, but I’m definitely in the top one."
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"I didn’t want to believe that I was a genius, but it’s hard to argue with the evidence."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I'm just a girl standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
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