27 result(s) for Caucasian Dad Quotes.
"I don't need Google, my wife knows everything."
"It’s not a dad bod, it’s a father figure."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"Dad, I want to be a magician when I grow up. - Son, you’re already disappearing."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
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"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs."
"The only thing I love more than being a dad is being a grandfather."
"Behind every great kid is a dad who’s pretty sure he’s screwing it up."
"I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not you."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"I have a good sense of humor, provided it’s my humor."
"I only have a kitchen because it came with the house."
"I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work."
"If my calculations are correct, I have about five minutes until my next crisis."
"Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that it’s Monday tomorrow."
"I got a ghost named Jim. He’s always trying to scare me, but he’s never successful. I’m just not afraid of dudes named Jim."
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"I know I’m going to have to send my kids to an Ivy League school someday. I just didn’t think all three of them would want to go to the same one."
"Losing my keys is my cardio."
"My kids are going to have to forgive me, because I’m going to make a ton of dad jokes and they just have to learn to laugh at them."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"There’s no problem a good cup of coffee can’t solve… except for insomnia."
"I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands."
