118 result(s) for Funny Short Christmas Quotes.
"It's the most wonderful time of the year, but I'm still waiting on the snow."
"I told Santa I wanted a fat bank account and a slim body. He promised I would get one or the other."
"Don't get your tinsel in a tangle."
"I'm only a morning person on December 25th."
"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."
"Dear Santa, I can explain..."
"At Christmas, you must put on a happy face. But sometimes, you just want to eat Christmas cookies in your pajamas."
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"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used a lot of tape. They won't get opened until next year."
"If you don't believe in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"The first rule of holidays: never skip dessert."
"Santa's secret to a jolly belly? Milk and cookies, and lots of both!"
"Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts."
"Keep calm and gobble on."
"Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!"
"All I want for Christmas is to not deal with my in-laws."
"My Christmas wish is to make it through without getting stuck in a conversation about politics."
"You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"I can't wait to get you under the mistletoe... just kidding. Please keep your distance!"
"If only my bank account were as full as Santa's sleigh!"
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red."
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"Santa's elves are just like the rest of us; they just put on a costume."
"It's all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list!"
"Christmas: The only time of year where it’s perfectly acceptable to sit on a strange man’s lap."
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red."
"I told my kids Santa isn't real. Now they don't believe in the Tooth Fairy either."
"Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Well, most of the year. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own gifts."
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy Christmas lights, and that’s kind of the same thing."
"Christmas is a time to be jolly. Unless you're a turkey."
"Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money."
"There's nothing cozier than a Christmas tree all lit up."
"Christmas cookies are made of butter and love."
"I thought I was going to lose weight this Christmas. But it turns out the only thing I’m losing is my mind."
"It's the most wonderful time of the year, and I'm not talking about Christmas."
"What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus."
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"‘Tis the season to be jolly, but I’m still on my diet."
"Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh! But try fitting all your gifts in there!"
"This holiday season, let’s be honest... I’m just here for the food."
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... in my living room, at least."
"Christmas: A time when everyone wants to forget their troubles and remember their money."
"Yule be sorry if you don’t have a merry little Christmas."
"I'm on the sugar and carbs Christmas diet. I'm pretty sure that's a thing!"
"Santa called: He said you are on the naughty list... again!"
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark."
"Dear Santa, I want a fat bank account and a skinny body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year."
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red."
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet."
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
"I told my kids that Santa is a very generous man. I mean, he’s been delivering toys to kids for centuries and he’s never gotten a bill for them!"
"My husband says he needs a boat. Just what I need, one more thing to decorate for Christmas."
"Christmas is the only time of year where you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks."
"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange."
"There's something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh."
"Nothing like a little Christmas cheer to remind you how annoying family can be."
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, 'Toys not included.'"
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year; with the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer."
"Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip."
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
"Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness."
"You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home."
"My favorite part of Christmas is getting to wrap my dog in festive ribbons and pretend he’s a present."
"Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"
"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents. I can’t wait to see what my kids will bring me this year!"
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered."
"What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!"
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"Dear Santa, I want a fat bank account and a slim chance."
"Christmas is a tickle-down economy."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"If you don't believe in the magic of Christmas, you're not paying attention."
"There’s no Christmas like a home Christmas."
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin."
"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money."
"That's the spirit of Christmas; people being helped by other people."
"I love Christmas, but I wish I could make it through without gaining a few pounds. It's a festive season after all!"
"I like to compare the holiday season to a marathon. It’s all fun and games until you’re 10 miles in, and all the snacks are gone."
"Santa's sleigh is on my wishlist this year. Well, that and peace on Earth."
"No matter how old you are, if a big man in a suit gives you a present, you should accept it."
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!"
"At Christmas, all roads lead home."
"Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks."
"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month."
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas… everywhere you go. (Especially if you’ve been shopping!)"
"Christmas is a magical time of year... Just ask the credit card company."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
"I think my favorite fairy tale is Cinderella. Because she has a great Christmas party in it!"
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year… for those not buying the gifts!"
"Every year, I look forward to the holiday season. It’s the one time of year I willingly agree to hang out with family…"
"I’m only a morning person on December 25th."
"Christmas is the time when everyone gets George Bailey's money."
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your joy."
"The only thing colder than the weather is my ex’s heart during the holidays."
"Forget the past; you can’t change it. Forget the present; I didn’t get you one."
"I put so much thought into my Christmas list that it’s a little like writing a novel."
"My husband isn’t a big Christmas fan. He says it’s too stressful. I should remind him that he once married me."
"Christmas magic is silent. You don't hear it—you feel it. You know it. You believe it."
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
"If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with, especially if they have good Christmas cookies."
"At Christmas, remember that you’re not alone in the world. You have Santa, and he’s watching you!"
"What do you call an elf who sings? A rapping elf."
"Dear Santa, I can explain…"
"I don’t mind spending Christmas on my own, apart from the fact that there are no presents."
"Christmas is the worst time to be on a diet."
"It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, especially in the cookie aisle."
"I told Santa I want a fat bank account and a slim body. He said, ‘Your flight is coming in the off-season.’"
"We’re not that picky about Christmas. if you can open a bottle or two, you can join."
"Ever notice how you never see Santa with a lawyer?"
"This year, I’m resolving to buy less Christmas crap."
"It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list."
"Christmas is the season when people are not afraid to reveal their inner child—and banker!"
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red."
"Count your blessings, not your calories."
"Tis the season to be jolly, but don’t let that fool you. Chop wood!"
"If you think it’s hard to be jolly at Christmas, just try gathering a family who only gets together once a year!"
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