107 result(s) for Weird Quotes That Make No Sense.
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
"If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"
"Why is it called rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"Never trust an atom; they make up everything!"
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
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"I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it."
"I have an existential crisis every time I get a new coffee maker."
"If we aren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"Existence is a contradiction, an absurdity."
"Whoever said words don’t matter never tried using a thesaurus."
"I am an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms."
"Borrow money from pessimists—they don’t expect it back."
"I have a split personality, said the man."
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"You can’t make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you’re doing is recording it."
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"I have a dream that one day I’ll be able to go to the supermarket and buy a carton of eggs that haven’t been abused."
"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you; I told the witch doctor you didn’t love me too."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough."
"Why do we press harder on the remote when we know the batteries are weak?"
"If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?"
"I can't wait to climb my ladder, so I can look down and see my mistakes."
"I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work."
"I have enough trouble getting the thought of you out of my mind. Why would I want to get rid of you?"
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
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"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
"I can't understand why you’d want to marry someone who is just as crazy as you are."
"A day without laughter is like a day without sunshine, which is why I’m always trying to rain on people’s parades."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"Frog in your throat? Try the frog, he might agree."
"I thought I wanted a career, but now I just want a paycheck."
"If the world didn't suck, we’d all fall off."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything."
"I have a split personality,"
"I'm multi-talented: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’"
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you."
"What’s the use of getting up early? I’ll just end up sleeping through the morning anyway."
"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
"If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters."
"I may be a tiny little thing, but I can be as irritating as a buzzing bee."
"Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
"I didn't fall; I'm just spending some quality time with the floor."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I have a dream that one day I will stop dreaming!"
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"I’m on the patch to nowhere. That’s how I grow my crops."
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me pop-ups for vacations!"
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
"I’m a nobody, and I don’t want to be a somebody!"
"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left."
"Why do they call it a building if it’s already built?"
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."
"I have the heart of a teenager… and a stomach of a 78-year-old."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Yesterday I drowned my sorrows. But now my sorrows have floated away."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
"If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. And maybe pizza."
"I can resist anything except temptation."
"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
"Dogs have owners, cats have staff."
"Life is like a cupcake; it's sweet, and then you eat it."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I'm not lazy; I'm on energy-saving mode."
"If you're going to be late to a meeting, make it a good excuse, not an excuse to be late."
"Why does a round pizza come in a square box?"
"We live in the kind of society where, in almost all cases, you’re not allowed to pour them back in the cup."
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