116 result(s) for Funny Quotes About War.
"War is God’s way of teaching us geography."
"The only thing worse than a war is a war with no humor."
"I’m convinced that the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. But a lot of times, it takes more than a gun to resolve issues. It’s all about communication."
"The key to winning wars is to avoid fighting them."
"War may be hell, but at least it’s not boring."
"I think we should take a moment to appreciate the fact that War, when spelled backwards, is raw."
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
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"I have never advocated war except as a means of peace."
"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."
"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days you feel good."
"There are no winners in war, just survivors."
"In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."
"Each side is perfectly justified, in this war, in calling the other side evil."
"Old soldiers never die; they just fade away."
"War is not nice."
"If you can’t laugh at war, then you’re not doing it right."
"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one."
"War is a matter of vital importance to the state; the province of life or death; the road either to survival or to ruin."
"You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. You can’t make peace without breaking some hearts."
"War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace."
"I can't tell you how much I respect the military and the heroic efforts of our armed forces. But let's be honest: they don't exactly have a monopoly on courage. The truth is, I find it hard to think of anything more terrifying than a room full of twenty-four-year-olds with Smart Phones."
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"The only thing worse than a bad plan is a good plan executed too late."
"In war, all you can do is kill the other guy; in politics, you can do it with a smile."
"The problem with being a pacifist is that you can't really be a pacifist in a war."
"War: a series of catastrophes that results in a victory."
"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."
"The best war is the war that never happens."
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail."
"If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow."
"It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole."
"War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength."
"You know you're in trouble when the opposing side is laughing."
"The military doesn't make mistakes; the military makes changes."
"There is no problem so complex that it cannot be solved by a simple action multiplied by the number of people who will take it."
"I have never been in a war, but I have been in a bar fight!"
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"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."
"Telling someone to go to hell is the quickest way to provide them with directions."
"War is a series of catastrophes that leads to a victory."
"My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular."
"A soldier is a man who wars with his blood; a politician is a man who wars with words."
"Not all those who wander are lost; some are just looking for an escape route."
"The man who fights for his own honor is a warrior; the man who fights for the honor of others is a hero."
"When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die."
"War is funny, like the sun is funny, or the moon is funny, or the stars; it's there, it laughs, it makes us laugh, and it goes away."
"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers."
"I used to be a soldier. Now I am a warrior."
"If you want to make peace, you must be willing to wage war."
"War is useful for few but harmful for many."
"I can’t say I’ve seen much of it on anyone’s face, but there is a certain grim humor in war."
"The only thing that can stop a war is a good laugh."
"War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But it is never a laughing matter."
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
"War is nothing but a means of getting to the point where we can kill each other."
"War is life multiplied by some number you would be better off without."
"It's all very well to talk about fighting for your rights, but it's much harder to remember that you are fighting against your own brother."
"The best way to keep your friends is not to be a hazard to them at war."
"There’s nothing funny about war. Except that we laugh together after it’s over."
"War is very simple. It’s a glorified boys' game, racquetball played with bombs."
"The best weapon is an educated man."
"I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse."
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French division behind me."
"War is being alive at its most intense."
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
"When you are at war with someone, you are not just at war with them, you are at war with their way of life."
"War is when the government tells you who the bad guy is. Revolution is when you decide that for yourself."
"I can easily forgive a man for making a mistake; but I can't forgive him for finding fault with me."
"In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit."
"War is the science of destruction, but at least it gives us good stories."
"In war, truth is the first casualty."
"I have no doubt that it is a matter of time before we reach an agreement - probably when the Germans have set up their own national health service."
"The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars."
"If we ever start a war, the only way to avoid it will be to let the generals fight it out and then call it a draw."
"The best way to make peace is to be ready for war, and the best way to win a war is to lie like a good politician."
"A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon."
"War does not determine who is right, only who is left."
"Every war is a war against the child, even if those children are too young to know it."
"War is something that happens to everyone but me."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars – though we might be looking through the smoke of war."
"There are no winners in war, only victims."
"War is hell, but the equipment is fantastic."
"You can’t have a battle without a war if nobody fights for the right side."
"You go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have."
"It's a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for. If we did, there would be a draft for everybody."
"In the midst of war, we must find peace, and that’s a war worth fighting."
"A bad peace is better than a good war."
"War, huh, yeah. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing."
"The art of war is to defeat the enemy without fighting."
"I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. And yes, that does include my views on war."
"The United States is the only country that has a standing army to defend against the people."
"Old soldiers never die; they just fade away. But their jokes live on forever."
"War is merely the continuation of politics by other means – especially if you can’t get the laughter to end."
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
"I can't really see any reason for a war. You know, I look at it this way: life is too short to spend it fighting."
"In war, the strong make the weak. The weak make the strong."
"We’ll all be dead, you know, in a few generations more; so let’s just enjoy the wars while we can."
"The only thing worse than a war is a war without a punchline."
"If we don’t end war, war will end us."
"I find war to be a dismal affair. If I were to be happy, I’d have to have my cake and eat it too."
"I’m not the type of person who likes to engage in war. I prefer to engage in sarcasm and irony."
"There's nothing like a good war to get people’s spirits up."
"War is like love; it always finds a way."
"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."
"I’m not a pacifist, but I don’t believe in fighting unless absolutely necessary - and even then, it’s a last resort."
"Self-defense is a legitimate pursuit, but don’t forget it’s also expensive, exhausting, and you’ll need to laugh about it afterward."
"In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes. And sometimes, taxes can feel like a war."
"War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory."
"My favorite war movie is ‘M*A*S*H’. The real treasure is friendship and good humor."
"I was a soldier when I needed to be. Now I prefer to serve cake at birthday parties."
"Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed."
"Wars have always begun, but they never end. They merely transform into more confusing shapes."
"We’re all in the same boat—and it’s sinking."
"War is a dirty business. I must admit, though, I occasionally get a kick out of it."
"I told my wife I was going to war; she said, 'Bring back a souvenir.' I thought that was kind of insensitive."
"Sometimes it's better to take the ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ approach, especially in war."
"I used to think the world was divided into heroes and villains. Then I discovered it was divided into those who dug trenches and those who filled them."
"War is what happens when language fails."
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