68 result(s) for Funny Instagram Quotes And Captions.
"I’m not sure what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship."
"I need a six-month vacation, twice a year."
"Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's an Instagram filter."
"I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I haven’t done anything productive today and I don’t plan on starting now."
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"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
"I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m sleeping."
"Sarcasm: because beating people is illegal."
"Reality called, so I hung up."
"I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
"Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix."
"I like my coffee black and my mornings bright."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."
"I'm not responsible for what my face does when you talk."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"Friday. My second favorite F word. Food is my first."
"My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So, I'm now hugging my Wi-Fi router."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."
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"The road to my success has a speed bump made of exams."
"May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short."
"My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry."
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."
"I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I'm not sure what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship."
"I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm sleeping."
"I like hashtags because they look like waffles."
"Relationship Status: Netflix and ice cream."
"My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So, I'm posting this."
"I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list."
"If you're not barefoot, then you're overdressed."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
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"They say don't try this at home... so I went to my friend's home."
"Friday, my second favorite F word"
"Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how."
"I am not always late, but when I am, I arrive fashionably so."
"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it."
"Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?"
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Going to bed early. Not going to any great expectations."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry."
"Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's coffee."
"Sarcasm: Just one of the many services I offer."
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
"The road to my heart is paved with paw prints."
"I'm not a 'one in a million' kind of girl. I'm a 'once in a lifetime' kind of woman."
"I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on a floppy disk somewhere."
"My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So, I'm now hugging a bottle of wine."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I am not young enough to know everything."
"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list."
"I am not lazy, I am on energy saving mode."
"I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome!"
"Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food."
"Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net."
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"Friday is my second favorite F word. Food is my first."
"Recovering ice cream addict."
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do."
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