114 result(s) for Funny Quotes That Rhyme.
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."
"The only thing standing between me and success is a complete misunderstanding of what is required of me."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"If I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer!"
"I can resist anything except temptation."
"I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
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"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I always say 'Let's be honest.' But I'm mostly a liar."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Just because you’re not perfect doesn’t mean you’re not awesome."
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"The only thing I want to leave behind is a trail of happy memories, and a few guilty confessions."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
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"I'm on the patch that’s full of laughter, trying to avoid a disaster."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something."
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese."
"A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory."
"I finally found my house keys, now I just need to find me a mortgage tease."
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me... I'll laugh at you."
"I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."
"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest."
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"Mistakes are proof that you’re trying, and falling is just a way of flying."
"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."
"I'm so poor I can't even pay attention."
"I'm on a sea of caffeine, feeling quite obscene."
"I told my computer I needed a break, now it won't stop sending me to the lake."
"Life's a stage, and I’m the fool, trying to play it cool in this endless school."
"When life gives you lemons, make a drink, but if they’re sour, just give them a wink."
"If you think you can win at chess, just wait till you see me in distress."
"Every dog has his day, but my cat just wants to play."
"In the race of life, I’m more of a sloth, just chilling on the couch, giving the couch a swath."
"Money can't buy happiness, so I’ll just buy some snacks, and forget about my tracks."
"The early bird might get the worm, but I prefer snoozing, it’s my long-term charm."
"I’m like a balloon that’s lost its air, floating around without a single care."
"I may be lazy, but at least I'm fun, napping all day is how I’ve won."
"They say laughter's the best medicine, but Netflix binging is my true sin."
"Some days you’re a pigeon, some days you’re a statue; it all depends on what happens to you."
"Life is a game; I'm just playing the fool, hoping one day to be a wise old school."
"Eating ice cream is a dream come true, I’d trade it all for one more scoop, too."
"Every time I try to procrastinate, I find myself cleaning up my plate."
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out? Unless you’re at a dance, then just shift and pout."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday’s fun, and I’m always number one."
"A penny saved is a penny earned, but what about the joy that’s often spurned?"
"I want to be rich, but I'd also like to play, so I set my goals for the end of the day."
"The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an illusion; it’s just my BBQ grill, starting a fusion."
"All those who wander aren't lost; they're just taking their time at a much lower cost."
"Doughnuts are round, and so is my waist; but that’s just fine, they’re not a waste."
"I imagined a life of wealth and fame, but here I am, playing the same old game."
"Finding the remote is a treasure hunt, but watching TV is high on my front."
"Falling in love is like riding a bike, but I’d rather just walk, and enjoy the hike."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed my alarm clock."
"If at first you don't succeed, consider skydiving."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"I have a split personality, said the man."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I get more exercise than the average person, I walk down the street to avoid the gym."
"I wish I was as thin as my bank account."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I have a lot of ideas; problem is, some of them are really bad!"
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love to make others laugh and those who like to cry. I’m neither; I just like the pie."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"My therapist said that time heals all wounds, so I stabbed my time. Now we wait."
"I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left."
"I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Age is just a number. In my case, a very large one."
"My wallet is like an onion; when I open it, it makes me cry."
"I took a job as a professional cricket player, but I was stumped."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me to beach destinations."
"If you want to be a writer, you must be able to take criticism and remain unbent; after all, an unbent pen creates nothing."
"I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first."
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