128 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Colon Cancer.
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."
"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you're laughing for no reason. Then you need medicine."
"I have cancer; it’s okay to laugh! It’s okay to cry! Just don’t forget: ‘I’m awfully busy, am I making you laugh?’"
"I told my doctor I wanted a second opinion. He said, ‘Okay, you’re ugly too.’"
"The early detection of colon cancer is a great approach to have a positive outcome. My advice is to have fun while doing it."
"Girl, it’s much better to get your colon checked than to sit around waiting for your own colonoscopy party."
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"I can't be free of cancer until I'm free of underwear. That's all you need to know."
"Having cancer means you do not want to wait any longer—you want to enjoy life immediately. No excuses!"
"The human body is the only machine for living that breaks down frequently and without reason."
"Why do they call it a 'colonoscopy'? It should be called a ‘life decision’!"
"Getting older is like a colonoscopy; a little uncomfortable, but necessary!"
"You can get a second chance at life from a colonoscopy; it’s like buying time, one polyp at a time."
"Colon cancer can be cruel. But if you have a good sense of humor, you can lighten the burden."
"Take care of your colon; it's the only one you've got!"
"Laughter may be the best medicine, but colonoscopy is a close second."
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and laugh a lot."
"My doctor told me not to worry about the cancer, but to find something else to focus on, like how to make people laugh."
"I'd like to see him pass the test for cancer. But the only test he can pass is the one in the backstage area."
"They say laughter is the best medicine. I guess a colonoscopy is health insurance for my funny bone."
"Life expectancy has gone up every year since I had my prostate and colon checked. Not that it needed to."
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"Making jokes about colon cancer is how I cope with the fear. Laughter is my shield."
"Colonoscopy: the only time when you can get buried under a mountain of anesthesia while still being awake!"
"We spent all this money on a camera we can't even use. Thanks, colonoscopy!"
"If humor is the best medicine, then a colonoscopy is like a prescription refill."
"I view my cancer like a marriage; some days are good, some need humor to survive."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I’m not saying I’m going to die of colon cancer, I’m just saying that it’s a possibility. And I’m fine with that because I have a plan: I’m going to eat more fiber!"
"Laughter is the best medicine... unless you have colon cancer. In that case, it’s probably chemotherapy."
"I always thought that I’d get colon cancer from eating too many hot dogs, not from making too many bad jokes about it!"
"I’ve decided to embrace my inner colon. It’s a real butthole of a problem, but I’m going to laugh my way through it!"
"My doctor said I need to eat more fiber. I told him I eat a lot of beans—just the 'toot' kind. That should count for something!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine. If that’s true, I should be good after all my jokes about my colon!"
"Colon cancer? Think of it as a really nasty breakup. It hurts for a while, but eventually you get over it!"
"Having colon cancer is like a bad comedy. You keep laughing, but you're really just trying to avoid the punchline!"
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"I told my doctor I’m worried about my colon health. He just laughed and said, 'We all have to go sometime!'"
"Doctors say laughter is good for your colon. So, I’m just sitting here trying to find the funny side of this whole situation!"
"I’m on a new diet: one that includes laughter. They say it helps reduce the risk of colon cancer!"
"Everyone has a plan until they get colon cancer. Mine is to laugh until it hurts!"
"If you’re going to have colon cancer, you might as well bring a sense of humor with you."
"When life gives you colon cancer, make jokes! It’s far more fun than worrying!"
"A good colonoscopy is like a good joke: you really want to get to the punchline!"
"They say talk about your feelings. I think I’ll just make jokes about my colon instead!"
"I asked my doctor if I need to change my diet. He said, 'Just learn to laugh more!' as if that will fix everything!"
"They tell you to take your health seriously, but why not sprinkle it with humor? It’s what I’ve decided to do with my colon cancer journey!"
"Life is short, especially when it comes to colon health. But I’m determined to fill it with laughter!"
"Colon cancer is no joke, but I can still find the humor in planning my next screening. Does it involve popcorn?"
"I'm fully convinced that if colon cancer were a comedian, it would be the worst stand-up routine ever!"
"When faced with colon cancer, I like to think of it as life’s way of saying, 'Time to get your act together and laugh!' "
"You can’t siesta your way out of colon cancer, but you can definitely make jokes at every opportunity!"
"If laughter can extend my life, I should be immortal after all these colon jokes!"
"I told the doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re laughing for no reason. Then you need medicine."
"The only thing worse than a colonoscopy is having to watch your own colonoscopy."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. And the cake’s probably going to make you need a colonoscopy!"
"Getting a colonoscopy is like having the worst blind date ever – but you get a documentary instead of small talk."
"Why did the colon cancer patient go to the party? Because he heard it was a healthy bowel movement!"
"I’m up for boot camp, but only if it’s run by a colonoscopy prep expert who thinks fiber is a four-letter word."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but have you tried a good fiber supplement instead? Equal parts laughter and fiber will keep you regular!"
"Colon cancer may be serious, but my jokes about it are definitely not – let's make some light of a heavy topic!"
"The best part of getting older is the increased risk of colon cancer–just kidding, I prefer cake!"
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you colon cancer, make a very cheerful colonoscopy joke!"
"My doctor said I needed a colonoscopy. I told him I didn't need an instruction manual – I prefer to figure things out myself!"
"You know you're doing well if your colon is clear and your jokes are still dirty!"
"Having a colonoscopy is like being in a relationship: it’s uncomfortable, but it’s worth it in the end!"
"I love how a colonoscopy can bring a family together for laughter and digestive health!"
"Colonoscopies are just life's way of saying, 'Don't take yourself too seriously!'"
"They say humor helps you heal. If that's true, I should be a colonoscopy comedian!"
"If you can laugh about colon cancer, you can probably live with it!"
"Why are colon cancer survivors so funny? Because they’ve learned to lighten the load!"
"You can’t spell ‘colonoscopy’ without ‘fun’… or ‘oops’!"
"My doctor asked if I had any plans for my colon. I said, 'Just keeping it entertaining!',"
"What did one colon say to the other? 'I can't wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel!'"
"Colonoscopy jokes: because laughter is the least invasive way of checking in!"
"Let’s raise awareness for colon cancer with humor – after all, laughter is a great preventative measure!"
"Joking about colon cancer is my way of bringing humor to the table – literally!"
"Laughter is the best medicine, but if you're laughing for no reason, you may need medicine."
"If life gives you lemons, just remember: you can always use the zest to not think about your cancer."
"Cancer may be bad, but at least it brings out the comedian in all of us."
"I got cancer. What a way to find out I was the punchline."
"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, the reason is you’re being a real pain in the ass. Other times, it’s colon cancer."
"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"Humor is a great way to cope with hardship. Except when colonoscopy prep is involved."
"I thought I was having a midlife crisis, turns out I was just preparing for a colonoscopy."
"When life gives you cancer, make jokes. They won't cure you, but they'll keep you from crying."
"Colon cancer: it's what's for dinner! Just kidding, please don’t eat me!"
"You know you're getting old when the best joke at parties is about your recent colonoscopy."
"If you think a colonoscopy in your 50s is scary, just wait until you hit your 80s!"
"The doctor said I needed a colonoscopy. I said I didn’t know how to arrange that… so he suggested I just lay down!"
"I’m on the ‘see you in 10 years’ plan with my doctor. It’s cheaper than a movie subscription!"
"Remember, laughter is free, unlike your colonoscopy bill."
"Colon cancer: making people funnier since the dawn of awareness."
"I used to fear colon cancer, now I just fear the prep."
"You know you have colon cancer when your friends stop inviting you to barbecues."
"Don’t worry, your colon will be fine. Just remember to give it a good chuckle every now and then!"
"Colonoscopies: the only examination that prepares you for dinner with your family."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid a colonoscopy!"
"Cancer might be a heavy subject, but humor is the lightest armor we have to wear."
"I told my friend I needed to schedule a colonoscopy. He laughed and said, 'Good idea! Make it a double feature!'"
"Beat cancer with humor. Go ahead, I dare you!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine. I say laughter is the best distraction from cancer."
"I’m not saying colon cancer is a joke, but the punchline has potential."
"I told my doctor I couldn’t find my colon. He said, 'You must be really up a creek!'"
"Colon cancer is no laughing matter, unless the doctor has a great sense of humor!"
"Be kind to your colon and it will be kind to you. Just think of it as the last stop before the end of the line!"
"Dealing with colon cancer is like trying to eat spaghetti with a twirling fork: messy but you gotta keep eating!"
"Why did the colon go to therapy? It had trouble letting go!"
"Just remember: colon cancer is a lot more likely to happen if you ignore your intestines!"
"Laughing at your problems can help — just make sure they’re not stuck in your colon!"
"Life is too short to get upset about colon screenings. Just think of them as an extreme version of a colon vacation!"
"I asked my friend how to celebrate being cancer-free. He said, 'With a big, fat colon blowout party!'"
"Doctors say I need my colon checked; I thought you just had to ask it politely!"
"Why did the colon get kicked out of the party? Because it couldn't stop making bowel movements!"
"Colonoscopies: the only time you can blame your bad behavior on the doctor!"
"I always thought colon cancer was for other people, but it seems like I’ve become the poster child for screening."
"If colon cancer were a TV show, it would get canceled after one season - too gross for prime time!"
"The secret to staying healthy? Keep your colon on your side!"
"A good sense of humor is the best medicine. Just keep it away from your colon!"
"Why don’t colon cancer patients tell secrets? Because they’re afraid of leaks!"
"Recovery from colon cancer gives you an excuse for a ‘no holds barred’ diet – just don't blame it on the colon!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine. I say, it’s just a little too close to home when talking about colon cancer!"
"Colon cancer awareness: because sometimes you have to put humor in uncomfortable places!"
"At my age, colon cancer is like a bad date: you hope it never shows up!"
"I saw a sign that said 'Get your colon checked!' and thought, 'Can't you just text it?' "
"If I had a dollar for every time I worried about my colon, I could afford more screenings!"
"Getting old is a pain in the ass, literally – especially if you have colon cancer!"
"You can’t take life too seriously. After all, there’s always something weird happening in your colon!"
"A healthy colon requires a sense of humor and a lot of fiber!"
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